Saturday, April 12, 2014

Jim vs. James

There is quite a difference between Jim Nantz calling the Matser's golf tournament at Augusta this weekend, and The Mister's running commentary...

Nantz: "...that ball needs to slow down...slow down...."
Mister: "...that ball needs to f'ing stop!"

Nantz: "That shot came up woefully short!"
Mister: "What the hell was that?  Hit the ball!"

Nantz: "That was definitely too much wood."
Mister: "That's what she said!"

Ahh, The Master's will never be the same.

But Mom, why did you have to fertilize the lawn today?!?

Thursday, March 06, 2014

How I Came To Give Up Tropical Fruit for Lent

Arriving home at quarter to ten after a very long day at work, I lamented to The mister that I had yet to figure out what to give up for Lent.  "I thought about giving up soda again, but I had a Diet Coke at ten this morning, so that idea is out.  I thought about giving up sweets, but I grabbed a candy bar on my way to the basketball game tonight in lieu of dinner.  I thought about giving up flour, but I had a leftover dinner roll with my salad at lunch today.  Sigh.  I don't know what to give up this year!"

"How about giving up popcorn?  You love popcorn!" suggested my non-practicing Catholic husband.

"Yeah, well, I had popcorn at the basketball game."

"Ah, well, there goes that idea.  How about grad school?!" he joked.

"While I would LOVE to give up grad school, that' snot very feasible at this moment.  But I like your thinking!   I guess the only thing left for me to give up for Lent!" I teased back.

"Sex?!?  Wait, there must be another option!" he quickly replied.  "Have you had an orange today?"

"An orange?" I asked.  "Um, no.  But I don't eat a lot of oranges, so that wouldn't really be much of a sacrifice..."

"Well, then, how about all tropical fruits?!"

"All tropical fruits?!?  You think I should give up tropical fruits for Lent?!?"

"Well, it's a better option than giving up sex, that's for sure!"

"So when I get to the Pearly gates, I am going to have to look my Maker in the eye knowing that I gave up tropical fruits for Lent."

"I think He will be very proud of you."

I can always count on The Mister to make me laugh, and tonight he did just that, just when I needed it most.  It' swell worth the sacrifice of pineapple on my pizza or a clementine in my lunch to laugh with The Mister.

Tropical fruits?!?

Sunday, January 26, 2014


Some people dream of vacations by the water.  Some dream of a mansion on a hill.  The Mister and I dream of a cow.  This cow.  A Scottish Highland.  We'd like a cow, a pig, a few chickens and a piece of property that gets less than twenty inches of snow a year.  Seems reasonable, doesn't it?

Yeah, We Don't Get Why It Needs a Sign...

We saw a bunch of these while driving home from northern Michigan over break.  I thought the message was inherently obvious, but apparently those northerners need specific instructions.

A Happy Husband

The Mister was pretty excited about getting another tool cabinet for the garage!  Now, if it would just warm up enough to actually work out there...

What Moms Do When Their Kids Are Gone

Flash left his room(s) unattended for ten days over break.  I seized the moment and CLEANED!!

Ahh, what a nice change!  While you might be wishing for "before" pictures, trust me when I say you don't want to know!

Not Sure How Accurate "AccuWeather" Really Is...

I don't know what's up in Kalamazoo, but it sure is the hot spot - literally!!

Hi.  My name is Eliza.  It has been 26 days since my last post. 


I am so sorry.  The holidays have passed; our one year anniversary has passed; nearly all of January has passed and I have no blogs to show for it! 

Here's my recap:

The holidays were wonderful.  It was amazing to have a family of three altogether celebrating Christmas together!  The Mister got me an amazing new camera (I know, I KNOW, there should surely be PICTURES then, shouldn't there?!?), I got him a new tool chest for the garage.  We bought Flash a fridge and microwave for his dorm room (yikes) as well as some computer parts he wanted.  (Side note: within an hour of the last package being opened, Flash had completely assembled his own computer from scratch. Amazing!)

Celebrating our first anniversary was wonderful, too.  In true martial fashion, we originally planned on a night away and dinner out, but downsized the celebration so we could put the funds into our vacation account for the summer.  Welcome to married life!!  :)  The Mister sent me the most beautiful arrangement of flowers and cooked us all New York strip steaks for dinner.  I got him...a card.  Yeah, I know.  But the first anniversary is paper, right?!? 

Last weekend was a huge moment in all our lives...FLASH GOT ACCEPTED TO COLLEGE!!  He submitted his application in the middle of October to State and just finally heard last Saturday that he was accepted there.  He's still waiting on news from two other schools, but at least has the relief that he has somewhere to go in the fall.  (We assured him he was going SOMEWHERE...)

The real reason I am completely AWOL from life lately is grad school.  In a word, grad school is a bitch.  I hate it.  I hate everything about it and everything I have to do for it.  I hate that it's not something I want to do, it's something I have to do to keep my teaching license.  UGH!  In any case, I'm almost halfway through the program and the next couple of months are really the most intense, so hopefully I will survive. 

If grad school wasn't making me cranky, the weather sure would be.  We have had four snow days already and still the potential for more this week with temps significantly below zero.  If you're reading this from Minnesota, or any location north of Michigan, my hat is off to you.  I have no idea how you stay sane.  The Mister and I spend all our time talking about moving to Kentucky (not too hot, far less cold, still mountains and hills to see...) We would leave today if either of us had employment there. 

So that's my recap.  It's not exciting, but I didn't want to look back years from now and wonder what the void was all about.  Grad school people.  Avoid it at all cost.

Wednesday, January 01, 2014


We talked over dinner last night, about our resolutions for the New Year.  Here' sweat we came up with:

Eliza resolves to:
  - start each day by waking up.
  - not watch baseball (in the off-season).
  - not consume any illegal substances
  - not commit any felonies
  - remain a non-smoker
  - not watch any WWE events on pay-per-view
  - refrain from eating road kill
  - not become an arsonist, a vegan or Hindu

The mister resolves to:
  - not cheer for the Yankees
  - hate Ohio State
  - not eat quinoa
  - end each day by sleeping
  - not buy any curtains, throw pillows or bath towels
  - retain possession of his Man Card
  - not become a referee for water polo, a fashion consultant or a spelling bee judge
  - not throw rocks at airplanes

Flash resolves to:
  - not get arrested
  - drink large quantities of Mt. Dew
  - avoid physical exertion including outside chores, team sports and exercise
  - listen to music, text friends and play video games daily
  - study and do homework only when absolutely necessary and required
  - remain skeptical about all plans and intentions initiated by Mom.
  - not grow a handlebar mustache

We think these are pretty good goals, don't you?

Sunday, December 29, 2013

The Mister: "What are those little birds..."

Me: "you are seriously this bored?  I realize we have one more day until we celebrate Christmas and open presents, but you're going to start a conversation with me about birds?  You ARE bored."

The Mister: "No, seriously, those little birds.."

Me: "Wrens."

The Mister: "I didn't finish."

Me: sigh

The Mister: "What are those little birds that need a certain size hole in the..."

Me: "Wrens"

The Mister: "Wren birds?"

Me: "Just wrens, Babe."

Dear Flash,

Please come home soon.  The Mister is losing his mind waiting for our Christmas to begin.

Saturday, November 02, 2013

Things We Won't Miss

299 days until Flash leaves for college.  In an effort to keep myself from focusing on all the things I WILL miss about my boy, here are some I definitely won't miss:

 Shaving cream left in the sink.  

 Garbage on the floor an inch from the trash can.
 'Nuff said.

  The disaster.

The door that is constantly closed.

 Half-consumed cans of Dew all over the house.

Dishes on the counter when the dishwasher is loadable.

299 days until Flash leaves home for his first year at college and my first year in deep therapy.  On my bad days next year, when I'm homesick for my boy, maybe thinking about these little habits will help.  (I have to say, in all honesty, if these are the things that drive me crazy about my teenager, I'll take 'em.  There could be so many worse things to worry about than these.  That said, I'm wondering how he'll fare with his roommate...)

Sunday, October 20, 2013

A Playoff Math Quiz

If my favorite team, the Boston Red Sox, play The Mister's favorite team for the first time in post-season history, and my Bearded Boys win the series and advance to the World Series, how long until The Mister speaks to me again?

a) never
b) if the Red Sox lose the World Series
c) if the Lions beat the Patriots in NFL playoffs this winter
d) if Flash ends up going to State and I have to surrender my Wolverine rights and join The Mister in cheering for the Spartans
e) only if b-c all occur this year


As a challenge question, anyone want to guess at how much the damages charges are on The Mister's hotel bill for throwing things at the TV?